George Carlin Quotes

Success always obsoletes the very behavior that achieved it.

(Imitating Pavarotti) "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!

One is not born a genius, one becomes a genius; and the feminine situation has up to the present rendered this becoming practically impossible.

?Whoever the next coach has amazing players to choose from, and it’s about putting them in a position to be successful.”

One is telling a story about old times when someone breaks in with a little detail that he happens to know, implying that one's own version is inaccurate — disgusting behavior! (p. 46)

Were Women all like those whom here I name,
Woman to man I surely would prefer;
The Sun is feminine, nor deems it shame;
The Moon, though masculine, depends on her.

Most people don’t have very many numbers in their address book they use their recents as their address book. Right? How many of you do that? I bet more than a few.

We have only one alternative: either to build a functioning industrial society or see freedom itself disappear in anarchy and tyranny.

A lot of companies have chosen to downsize, and maybe that was the right thing for them. We chose a different path. Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets.

(After Franklin transforms and behaves like The Mask) Oh dear. This is just what he did at Nixon's funeral.

It needs to be rewarded; you don’t come watch a play and then just go away without putting something down; we need to get grants for artists, we need to support them.

The Unseasonable man is one who will go up to a busy person, and open his heart to him. He will serenade his mistress when she has a fever. He will address himself to a man who has been cast in a surety-suit, and request him to become his security. He will come to give evidence when the trial is over.

Were Women all like those whom here I name,
Woman to man I surely would prefer;
The Sun is feminine, nor deems it shame;
The Moon, though masculine, depends on her.

Laws are never as effective as habits.

In the integrated relational model presented here, sexuality and relational issues are not seen as alternative foci. Rather, sexuality is regarded as a central realm in which relational conflicts are shaped and played out.

Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them like this!