George Carlin Quotes

Nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do. It's my decision. So the biggest devil is me. I'm either my best friend or my worst enemy. And that's how I have to deal with it.

Success always obsoletes the very behavior that achieved it.

Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.

One is telling a story about old times when someone breaks in with a little detail that he happens to know, implying that one's own version is inaccurate — disgusting behavior! (p. 46)

Sense of justice is one of the most wonderful ideals of Islam, because as I read in the Quran I find those dynamic principles of life, not mystic but practical ethics for the daily conduct of life suited to the whole world.

During my recovery, I gave myself self-love and self-care, and I embraced being curvier. I accepted what my body wanted to be, To this day my arms, shoulders, breasts, and thighs are fuller. I have a little mommy pouch, and I’m in no rush to get rid of it. I think it’s real.

Most people don’t have very many numbers in their address book they use their recents as their address book. Right? How many of you do that? I bet more than a few.

Of a slender figure, she had drooping shoulders and a rather long neck, slim but not to the point of being skinny. Her eyebrows were arched and in her eyes there was a look of quick intelligence and soft refinement.

(After Franklin transforms and behaves like The Mask) Oh dear. This is just what he did at Nixon's funeral.

True peace of mind comes from accepting the worst.

The Unseasonable man is one who will go up to a busy person, and open his heart to him. He will serenade his mistress when she has a fever. He will address himself to a man who has been cast in a surety-suit, and request him to become his security. He will come to give evidence when the trial is over.

Laws are never as effective as habits.

Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them like this!

Anything whatsoever may become the subject of a novel, provided only that it happens in this mundane life and not in some fairyland beyond our human ken.

He walks in the street, a picture of modesty in his felt hat and his gabardine suit, and all the while he's thinking, "I'm immortal." The world is his, time is his, and I'm nothing but an insect.

There’s a psychological phenomenon called ‘reactance,’ that means when people believe that their choices are being limited or they’re going to have to engage in costly behaviors, they’re likely to push back against that and the message can backfire.